She said her name was "party"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Even the bartender felt bad for me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
