Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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