i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
