It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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