No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
