I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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