Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
