She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
