I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
