I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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