i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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