I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
