i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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