The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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