he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
