Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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