go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize