Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Drunk is a universal language darling
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
