I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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