Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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