Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
