i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
