I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
