I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
