I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
