last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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