Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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