I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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