My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
