His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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