I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
