So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
