3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
