Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
