its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
