he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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