Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
