you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
