I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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