i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
