I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
