god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
