its not stalking. its research.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
