somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
