i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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