What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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