Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
