I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
