walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
