no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
