my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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