who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
