Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
