He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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