The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
