Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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