You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the day after is always just damage control
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
