I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
