Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
