so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
