I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize