i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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