i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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