is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
