i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
