cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Randomize
