but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
