your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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