I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just high enough for therapy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
