are you still at the devil's house?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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