If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
