I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
