Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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