I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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