O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
