??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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