I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
