I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need water and some morals
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
