Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
