if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
