I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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