Yo dont text me then not text me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
