fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just made my gag reflex go away.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
