the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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