i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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