she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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