I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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