R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
