Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
