i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
