Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
