Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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