cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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