Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
