My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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