He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
