You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
