Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She needs sedatives and a leash
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
