I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
