so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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