I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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