fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
