you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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