is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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